TERRIBLE IDEA 4: THE BLIND LEADING THE BLIND

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K, you know the drill.

Rules:

  1. No peeking
  2. Don’t stab the other person in the eye
  3. Do your very best

As notable renowned fashionistas, we are both very confidant in our makeup application skills. Too confidant. You could say that we could do it with our eyes closed.

Well, as our burning skin can attest to you, we can’t. And the following is how we found out.

Once again, Mira is an outfit repeater. She is wearing the same outfit today as we write this (one month later) as she is in the videos below. This is not the first time this has happened. Joanna never repeats her outfits. We know who would be friends with Kate Sanders in this situation, and if anyone doesn’t get that, feel free to exit our blog.

At first, we did our make up as if we were heading out for a night on the town – red lipstick was an absolute must.

Look at our FACES.

We then took to the first round of makeup wipes. Thrilled to be starting a new terrible adventure, we didn’t mind the slightly uncomfortable feeling of scrubbing the perfect make up off our faces.

ROUND 1: MIRA DOES JOANNA

Just Mira here. Joanna went into the kitchen to get water because we just ate a lot of snacks in a very short period of time.

Being blindfolded made me question everything I’ve ever known, specifically the landscape of Joanna’s face which suddenly seemed both larger and smaller at the same time. It also made me speak very quietly, which I think was because I was so unsure of myself.

What do I do in times of self doubt? OVERCOMPENSATE. I then turned the entire fiasco into a “makeup beauty tutorial” that you would find on YouTube from someone who knew what they were doing. This helped me get into the character of someone competent but I think truly made matters worse.

I’m not proud that another coping mechanism of mine was lashing out at Joanna and taking out the stress of my situation on her. “Don’t tell me to stop when I know what’s best for you!”

Take a look for yourselves in the video below and before you get all snotty and tell us, “You should’ve angled the camera lower!’ We KNOW, okay, we know. We failed.

 

 

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Not only does Mira suck at makeup, she is a terrible photographer

 

ROUND 2: JOANNA DOES MIRA

Alright, now it’s my turn. Hold on a moment while I post to Instagram.

Okay I’m back. Follow me on instagram. Or us. Follow US @ihvterribleidea
#shamelessplug

What should I even say about my experience? First off, I like my sight. It was disturbing to not only try to feel out the contours of my best friends face, “Your face doesn’t feel the same on both sides!”, but to also do so without any vision, “I feel drunk because I don’t have eyes,”. Ironically, I found her features so quickly. I am so good at everything I do.

I think my main issue was that as quickly as my sight disappeared, so did my motor reflexes and I kept dropping everything, and by everything I mean Mira’s expensive make up. My confidence served me well for the most part until I got arrogant and screwed up her eyeballs. I let the beginners luck take me through all the stages until her eyeliner. Like Icarus, I flew too close to the sun.

But I still did way better than she did.

 

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Splotchy the clown

 

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This seems unfair…

 

 

 

ROUND 3: EVERYONE DOES THEMSELVES

It’s only fair to give everyone another chance to succeed, especially considering the first rounds were so obviously won by one person……

Doing our own makeup without the use of a mirror, or vision of any kind, was MUCH easier. Although we didn’t end up having a speed competition because we were worried it would make us silly, there was a clear speed winner (Joanna again!). You will see below how she blew Mira out of the water. This was mostly due to the fact that Mira was overcompensating again.
*See eyebrows

 

Notable moments:

Joanna’s confidence was thoroughly shattered

Mira tried to conceal what she thought was a blemish but was her eyebrow

Mira also tried to turn her blonde eyebrows black

See for yourselves!

 

 

What have we learned:

After finishing this exercise, it is clear that we both approached it the way we would any situation in life.

Joanna gets way too overconfident, and when it becomes too hard her self esteem shatters irrevocably and she completely falls apart (see: dropping everything, general mind state at the end of both videos).

Mira can’t handle anything so she goes way overboard and compensates to the extreme, and messes everything up in the process.

Oh and Mira’s super hunched over. That girl needs a chiropractor.

All in all, we would say that we are delightful.

Notable quotes:

That felt like eyelashes! – Mira
That was my eyebrow. – Joanna

I’M IN IT – Joanna referencing the eyeliner

I’d rather go in the mouth than out of it – Joanna doing Mira’s lipstick

Are you a powder everywhere person? – Joanna
I’m whatever you want me to be – Mira

Join us next time! We look forward to seeing your opinions in the polls!

 

XOXO Gossip Girl

Terrible Idea 3: That thing that collapses… That isn’t our lives

 

Origin story:

Mira: Maybe we should make a complicated dessert or something… What’s the one that collapses?
Joanna: Soufflé.
Mira: I’m not even 100% sure I know what a soufflé is.
Joanna: I have no idea. But I know it collapses.

Mira: What do we put it in?
Joanna: A soufflé pan.
Mira: Do you have one?
Joanna: I have a springform pan for cheesecakes.
Mira: That’ll work.

So we decided to make something that not only have we never made before, but never even eaten, so we would have no idea if what we made was even correct.

We thought we’d better do some research, and would like to take a moment to reference what we found:

Ahh, the soufflé – it has all the stability of a hormonal teenage girl in love. The potential for highs as high as the farthest reaches of the galaxy and lows so low I shudder to contemplate the depths. Perfection and bliss can plummet into heartbreak and disaster in the blink of an eye (or the slam of a door). – CAROL KICINSKI https://simplygluten-free.com/blog/2012/03/gluten-free-miracle-souffles-recipe.html 

If we’re being honest, that’s really about us, so it was the perfect dessert to make. We didn’t use her recipe. No offence, but it had too many ingredients.

Joanna: It involves stiffly beaten egg whites
Mira: That sounds dirty

Oh. Did we mention that since Joanna is glutarded that the souffle had to be gluten free? Damnit Joanna.

It called for goat cheese and cream of tartar. Mira’s delicate stomach wasn’t ready for an adventure that great.

Instead we found the simplest recipe possible:
http://www.saveur.com/article/Recipes/Chocolate-Souffle

Ingredients

3 tbsp. milk
5 12 tbsp. sugar, plus additional for dusting soufflé dish
4 oz. semisweet chocolate, coarsely chopped
2 egg yolks
3 egg whites
Confectioners’ sugar (or icing sugar because we’re in Canada)

This we could handle.

Rules:

  1. No reading the instructions before we start.

That’s it.

Adventure part 1: SAFEWAY

A concerned safety vest wearing employee genuinely asked if we were okay. There was an issue with toilet paper.

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Warning: Toilet paper not to be used as an ingredient for the soufflé. 

 

 

Next stop: Ramekin

Mira had discovered that a souffle is made in a ramekin, so despite Joanna’s suggestion that they could use her cheesecake pan, Mira became obsessed with finding and purchasing a proper Ramekin.

Mira: Ramekin sounds like it should be the Jewish word for foreskin

Joanna gave up and couldn’t find it. Mira found it right away.

Mira: I shall name him Ramekin Skywalker.

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Not foreskin.

The first instruction we completely disregarded is that the chocolate be coarsely chopped. Ain’t nobody got time for that, so we got semi-sweet chocolate chips. Close enough.

Adventure Part 2: Bake Time

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  • Preheat oven to 375°

Joanna: Let’s not. (The second instruction we blatantly didn’t follow.)

  • Place milk and 4 tbsp. sugar in a small saucepan and stir over medium-low heat until sugar dissolves, about 45 seconds.

The saucepan was missing, but quickly found grimy and disgusting in the dishwasher.

Mira: Our creme brulee is going to test like whatever that was.
Joanna: We’re making soufflé. 

  • Stir in chocolate and cook until melted, 1–2 minutes.
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There is no way that isn’t poop.

 

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Mmmm. Poop.

 

 

Mira: We’re Zeke!
Joanna: What.
Mira: From High School Musical!
Joanna: Yeah… no.
Mira: Yeah he makes a souffle!
Joanna: No it’s creme brûlée.
Mira: No he says soufflé as well*
Joanna: Does he? Yeah he does! “Something soufflé even apple pan whatever”
Mira: Yep.
*No, he doesn’t. It’s only creme brûlée 

  • Transfer to a nonreactive bowl (glass or stainless steel), cool for 5 minute

Mira tasted the chocolate mixture.

Mira: Hmm this actually doesn’t suck.
Joanna: I’m a little worried that it WILL be good.*

  • Beat in egg yolks.

Mira lives under an eggless rock and didn’t understand we could get both egg yolks and egg whites out of the same egg. She would probably be dead without Joanna.

Joanna put the beaters into the hand mixer.

Joanna: Are you any good at beating?
The beaters immediately fall out onto the floor.
Joanna: No one needs to know we’re using floor beaters.
She put them back in.

  • Beat egg whites in a nonreactive bowl until foamy, then sprinkle in remaining sugar, beating until stiff peaks form.

Mira: Joanna is an egg beating WIZARD.

Mira had also never seen what happens to egg whites when beaten and she lost her mind. She also couldn’t stop giggling that we were “beating” eggs until they were “stiff”. What an oaf.

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Stiffly beaten egg whites.

 

  • Butter a small soufflé dish then lightly dust with sugar.

Joanna: I’m gonna use PAM.
Mira: Yeah! That will be buttery.
Joanna: Nope.

  • Gently mix one-third of the egg whites into chocolate mixture

Mira: GENTLY (x 5)

  • Fold in remaining whites, one-third at a time. Do not overmix.

Mira: Do NOT overmix. (x 10).

What an oaf.

  • Spoon batter into dish

Joanna: SPOON batter. (x 500)

  • Make sure oven rack is low enough to allow soufflé room to rise as much as 2” above the dish.

Joanna: It’s fine as is.

  • Bake until puffed, about 25 minutes.
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Mistake.

It was puffed at 20 minutes, but we didn’t trust ourselves.

  • Dust with confectioners’ sugar and serve immediately. (Soufflé will begin to deflate after about 2 minutes.)

As if. It deflates at negative 2 minutes.

THE MOMENT OF TRUTH:

Adventure Part 3: Munch time
*It wasn’t.

Joanna: How do you even eat a soufflé?
Mira: With a fork. . . I feel like that will immediately deflate it.

We googled it.

Mira: With a spoon! Just stick it in the middle.

What have we learned?

We still don’t really know what a souffle is. Ours had egg chunks in it. Is that right?
Also we’re a bit disappointed as we were better than we thought we would be. Still tasted like crap though so we’ll call that a win.

We kind of just want to eat creme brulee.

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Want some?

Terrible Idea #1: The story continues

Remember that denim sack Mira wore? Who are we kidding, of course you do.

She can’t escape it.

Nearly 3 months after the bridesmaid dress fitting, her dress arrived. Low and behold, it is too big. It’s no wonder considering her denim dress made her 3 sizes bigger because of the sheer enormity of the fabric.

Sorry Mira.

TERRIBLE IDEA #2.5: CUPS

We know you are all eagerly awaiting our next terrible idea. Don’t panic. It’s coming.

In the meantime – check out our MAD SKILLS

 

Terrible Idea #2: Killing Us Softly with this Song

Hello loyal fans. We’re famous now, but don’t worry, we haven’t forgotten you.

Fun Fact: we have so many international readers. So many. 1 from the UK, 1 from Turkey (Hi Brit) and 1 from Tanzania. Fame feels good.

For our next trick, we decided to honour the article which inspired us to start this blog in the first place. We won’t place a link to it because.. what if it’s better? It’s not. It was a lovely Buzzed article where two of their writers decided to subject themselves to that really annoying song, “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” for 5 hours. We decided to do the same thing, but for only 3 hours because we don’t quite hate ourselves enough for the full meal deal. Also we changed the song to be somewhat original.

It was a toss up between Uptown Funk, and We’re all in this Together from High School Musical, but we really didn’t want to do the accompanying dance moves to that one for 3 hours so it was out. We also weren’t sure we were prepared to ruin Uptown Funk forever. We realized that “I’ll be there for you” (Friends theme for some of you uncultured peasants), was really the story of our friendship, and was likely just annoying enough to drive us to the brink of insanity. Spoiler alert: Boy did it ever.

For your listening pleasure: 

 

 

 

Rules:

  1. The song must be listened to for the full 3 hours – no breaks.
    • If you go go the bathroom you have to take the song with you. No exceptions.
    • You have to start the song at the exact place you are leaving off.
  2. We aren’t allowed to do anything to distract ourselves.
  3. It has to be played at an annoying volume that we can’t ignore.

 

HOUR ONE:

 

Initial reactions:

  • Mira was super surprised at hearing the full version for the first time.
  • Mira looooooooved the ending. Did you listen to the full song? It’s nice.
  • They don’t clap in this version. Why don’t they clap!? We will have to add it ourselves.

CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP

 

Notable Quotes From Hour 1:

Mira: It’s making me feel crusty.

Joanna: You WEREN’T there for me.

Mira: I don’t hate YOU! I hate what you’ve BECOME.

Joanna: I’ll NEVER get tired of this part of the song! (Spoiler alert: She did in hour 3).

 

It only took 20 minutes for Mira’s sanity to start spiralling. To start, she had drank a disgusting amount of tea before we started so by that time she really had to go to the bathroom. It was serious. The amount of pee in her bladder was just contributing to the anxiety brought on by the never ending song. This is where the bathroom rule came into play, as she had to find a youtube video of it on her phone to take to the bathroom, and start it at the same time our version started, which meant she had to wait through almost the entire song before starting hers and leaving the room. Pure torture.

Joanna however, is just lovin’ it. She was having the best time.

Although Joanna was having a great time, there was one part of the song that didn’t go well for either of us.

The guitar solo was beginning to grate on our souls.

As she had never heard the full version before, Mira looked up the lyrics and got weirdly emotional because it was so accurate to our friendship. Later in the bathroom, she had the very clear thought that this is the song that should play at her and Joanna’s wedding. Then she sadly remembered that Joanna is marrying Andrew and not her. We’re just friends, we promise.

Speaking of Andrew

It was Joanna’s turn to go to the bathroom. She danced away having a lovely time, and left Mira by herself. While alone, she took some notes on the experience:

I am alone in this.

There’s no distraction.

God it’s almost been half an hour and I already want to give up.

I can’t wait until Joanna gets back.

I’m hoping it’ll get to the point where it’s so ingrained that I don’t even hear it anymore.

I’m PRAYING.

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Thirty minutes in and Mira’s soul is dying and Joanna is faring quite well. She’s still having the best time. Upon reflection, we realized that it’s the reverse of Terrible Idea #1 where Mira loved the adventure, and Joanna hated everything about it. It’s called balance.

Summary of hour 1:

Joanna is more bored than hating it. Mira is both.

 

 

HOUR TWO:

 

Notable Quotes from hour 2:

Mira: It’s probably not helping that we chose to do this during nap time.

 

Joanna: YOUR MOTHER WARNED YOU THERE’D BE DAYS LIKE THESE

Mira: My mother did NOT warn me there would be days like these.

 

IT HAS REVERSED.

We started talking about life and somewhere along the line, Mira started getting into it and Joanna slowly was disintegrating.

Mira (trying to sing along): Wow, you’d think I would know the lyrics by now.

Joanna (in the bitchiest tone possible): You should.

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My soul.

A terrible thing happened when Joanna accidentally shut off the TV. To her, it was the break she needed to not lose her head completely, but Mira… had another reaction.

 

Ah yes, we came to the phase we knew would happen eventually. We knew the only way to get through it was to sing along like a total twat.

Us: BA NUR NUR NUR NAAAA NUR NUR NA NAAAAAA

1:45 The Nausea sets in.

We’re not having fun anymore but the turtle is and that’s all that’s important.

In an attempt to distract herself, Mira started complaining about someone she really doesn’t like. This backfired, as the combination of hatred for the person, and the song nearly drove her into a rage fuelled panic attack. This is not an exaggeration.

Summary of Hour 2:

Time for the loony bin.

 

HOUR THREE:

 

Notable Quotes from Hour 3:

Joanna: Its part of my being now. But I hate this part of my being.

Mira: YOU hate what you’ve become.

 

Mira (Starts singing it country style): I’ll be there for youuuuuuuuuuuu

Joanna: Stop you’re not helping.

Mira: It’s helping ME.

Joanna: Yeah but its not helping me, and I’m ME.

What.

 

Joanna: We’ve gotten silly.

Mira: DON’T TELL ME HOW I’VE BECOME.

 

Joanna: I am able to compartmentalize. The hatred is there but I can push it down.

 

Joanna: I’m glad we chose three hours instead of five.

Mira: Yeah because we don’t have enough time in our lives.

Joanna: That and because I think I would actually have a stroke.

 

Andrew: You guys aren’t having fun?

Us: Dead silence.

Mira: Every minute is an hour.

 

Mira: NO I CANT LISTEN TO IT AGAIN I CANT I CANT. NO IM GONNA PUSH THROUGH. YOUUUUUUUUU YEAH!

 

Just when we thought all hope was lost, the power of the song brought us back. For some reason, the lyric “cause you’re the only one who knows what it’s like to be me,” re-instilled the joy in our friendship and our love for each other which had been fading as the song drove us apart.

But, Mira was still struggling. The longer the song went on, the more she became a shell of herself.

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“It’s making my toes curl”

 

Madness.

Joanna: Do you think if we listen to it long enough, our heartbeats will sync up to the song?

We checked. They didn’t.

It’s always darkest before the dawn. As we hit rock bottom, we realized that the only way out, was the only thing we knew how to do. Bad choreography.

2:52 Things take a turn for the worse.

With such a short time left, Mira had given up on life, the song and Joanna, and Joanna wanted to at least try to enjoy their last few listens and have fun. This did not bode well for our friendship. At last, the song had worked its evil and turned us against each other. Despite the blaring “I’ll be there for you,” we were no longer there for each other.

The disdain.

 

To be honest, Mira was being a crotchety old bastard.

Joanna was trying to be SOOOOOOOO fun.

Since Mira wouldn’t dance with her, Joanna passive aggressively went on a mission for a new friend in order to manipulate Mira into feeling jealous (no one was around, so she grabbed a stuffed frog). It worked. Mira attempted to get back into the spirit of things.

Joanna was having none of it. Mira even tried to sing along.

Joanna: Don’t make noises. We’re not friends right now.

Mira came to the conclusion that she would probably die alone because she was too lame.

Ever the peace keeper, Andrew showed up at the right moment with his guitar to play along with the song for the last play EVER. Because of his pure joy at playing along with us, it brought us back together for a final hurrah.

The End:

It’s over.

We’re friends again.

It feels… quiet.

There’s sushi.

 

What have we learned:

It’s not worth it. Also, our bond of friendship runs deep.

Joanna’s favourite TV show is RUINED.

 

Terrible Idea # 1: Fashion Disaster

 

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Our first journey began at 10:15.. Well, 10:30am because Mira was late and Joanna was in pyjamas. Joanna was nervously awaiting Mira’s arrival because they were about to embark on their first quest to make themselves uncomfortable.

QUEST 1: LOOK LIKE SHIT……. Well, more than usual.

As people who take a modest amount of pride in our appearances, the logical conclusion was to start with a contest to see who could make the other look worse. We had to pick out an outfit that the other would NEVER wear and make them wear it for a full day.

Rules:

  1. We only had an hour and a half to find the perfect outfit for each other
  2. Each got 1 veto, but had to have a really good reason, like fear of our mothers
  3. Had to be found in Chinook Mall
  4. The outfit had to be stupid, but not so stupid that it was obvious what we had done
  5. We had to pretend that we liked the outfit, and chose it ourselves
  6. We couldn’t take it off at any point once purchased

 

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Before.

We first decided to go to Urban Outfitters – store of choice for millennials who want to be grandmothers, and drug addled music festival attendees. We wanted to ease ourselves into it without jumping in somewhere like Spencers (is that still real?), but at a store that still had the weirdest clothes. Turns out we should have trusted our instincts because we found the real winners there, but still spent an extra hour trying on hideous outfits at a million other stores.

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Reaction to chosen outfit

But on we marched through the mall, convinced that there were uglier and more horrible things awaiting us.

There were. But none of them were as correct.

Ardene:

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Joanna thought this was a uterus
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Sup Beaches?

Oddly enough, we didn’t find anything to try on in this store. I guess 14 year olds are developing a better sense of style these days. Joanna did, however, buy 3 super cute scarves.

Bluenotes:

Pants, or a skirt? Who knows?

Looks aside, those were the comfiest pants we have ever worn. There was a lady next to us trying them on, for real, as we were commenting how we would never be caught dead in these in public.

We applaud her bravery and judge her choices.

Urban Planet:

Aptly named Urban Planet because the clothes are out of this wooooooooooorld..

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Also, we found Leanne.

 

Hot Topic: 

Hot Topic was unsuccessful because everything was so nerdy, and we’re such nerds, so no one would question what we were wearing. Or they would have thought we were doing a practice run of a comic con outfit.

TopShop:

 

TopShop – all of the clothes make you feel lumpy, in all the wrong ways

“Mira, come see my mustard”

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Dis some straight up Mary Kate and Ashley shiiiiiiit

H&M:

 

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Backfire.
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AND EVER.

 

By now our brains were trained to only see the bad items and to weed out the good. We had a finely tuned sense for hideous clothing. It was like a superpower that no one would ever want, and we feared it had changed us forever.

We knew in our hearts that we had stumbled upon pure glory at Urban Outfitters, and nothing else compared; however, the clothes were really expensive, and we had originally required that we buy the outfit for each other. It was a mistake.

Then the idea struck! We could just return them. Off we ran back to Urban as our hour and a half was coming to an end. As the clock struck 12:00 (pm), our little Cinderella selves lost our shit instead of our shoes, and turned into something much worse than a pumpkin.

 

 

The Denim Bag Princess & Care Bears on LSD

We hated it.

 

We were worried about the return policy, but Joanna is a ninja and sneakily checked it for us with no one noticing:

Stealth.

Buying the items was embarrassing enough, but not nearly as embarrassing as setting off the store alarm when leaving. We had just been talking about this the other day – how when the alarms go off we immediately feel guilty, and like we are going to jail even though we have done nothing wrong. In this case our only crime was our fashion choices, but Mira’s hands still went straight up in the air like the police had a gun on her.

Usually store employees don’t really jump up to check bags when this happens, but at Urban Outfitters they sure do! We actually had to empty our bags, and we thought the worst of it was over until they discovered one of the tags hadn’t been pulled off Mira’s sack, and instead of being a human about it, she awkwardly mumbled, “Oh.. how did that get in there?” like the guiltiest person in the world.

It then took a whole moment to stuff it back into the bag because there was so much fabric. This was not the first time that the amount of fabric involved in this sack would cause Mira problems.

But the first part of our quest was complete, and we transformed into the ugly and sad people you see below in the mall bathrooms. Even small children were judging our questionable choices. Two minutes in, and we were both nearly on the edge of a panic attack and/or a nap.

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After.

Joanna’s Journey

Well, it’s natural that as our paths would separate that we would both be seeing the most important fashion critic in our lives – our moms.

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“I look like I work at a kids cancer camp!”

Joanna’s Mom: Oh look at you! I love this. Look at you, you beautiful girl! What a happy thing!
Joanna: Oh, thanks mom! Yeah.. It’s kind of fun I thought.
Joanna’s Mom: Oh I just love it!
…… She paused, and squinted at Joanna.
Joanna’s Mom: This has something to do with something that you’re doing. Doesn’t it?

She’s so perceptive.

Her brother said “nice shirt” and she thinks it was genuine. Her dad didn’t notice.

Mira’s selection totally backfired, except that Joanna felt horribly uncomfortable all day anyway because she would never wear something like this, and Mira watching her struggle was satisfaction enough.

Mira’s Meanders:

Mira’s mom on the other hand was not so… supportive.

Mira’s Mom: What kind of an outfit is that?!?!
Mira: Don’t you like it?
Mira’s Mom: NO.
She lifts it up. Examines the fabric.
Mira’s Mom: It’s horrible!
Mira: This is the style now, Mom.
Mira’s Mom: Is this your way of telling me you’re pregnant? By wearing maternity clothes?
Mira: Mom, you’re so out of touch.
Mira’s Mom: Why did you buy an extra large?
Mira: This is a small. This is how it’s supposed to fit.
Mira’s Mom: THAT’S a small?!?! Then I could buy clothes there…

She proceeded to take a picture of it and send it to Mira’s sister in order to get her support to truck Mira off to the loony bin. Her dad was outside and her mother demanded that her father come inside and look at the dress.

Mira’s Dad: What’s wrong with it? I love it. It’s like… retro. In the 70’s, all dresses were like that.

Coming from a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt, green cargo shorts and crocs – this didn’t mean much to Mira.

Back Together – Bridesmaids:

We had planned this on the perfect day – bridesmaid dress fitting (because Joanna is getting MARRRRRIIIIIIIEEEED). Mira was running late because that was her life that day, and then also got held up by the longest train in existence and had to go the long way around. This all resulted in her showing up half an hour late in what felt like a paper bag. The other bridesmaids didn’t say anything about either outfit because they are nice people, but Joanna felt it was her duty to keep Mira aware of the state she was in:

Joanna text: YOU LOOK DISGUSTING

Mira was aware.

Because Mira was so grotesquely late, all of the other bridesmaids had already been measured so it was her turn. She saw the measurements lady look her up and down and think, “This is going to be a problem.” Mira suddenly realized that this was the worst possible garment to be getting measured in, as if they went off the size of the sack, they’d probably measure her dress size as a size 40.

The poor lady struggled to get the measuring tape around the grotesquely large circumference of the dress. “There’s just so much fabric,” she said, as Mira saw a giggle escape from the other lady who worked in the shop. After Mira was scolded for wearing such a thing to a dress fitting, the lady took her in the back where Mira had to embarrassingly lift up the sack so the lady could measure underneath. This is exactly what neither of them wanted, but the only solution to this horrible situation. Mira thought, “Great, not only am I late AND ugly, but also an inconvenience.” It’s everything she tries to avoid in life.

After that fiasco, the ugly dressed girls and the other bridesmaids went out for dinner at a respectable restaurant. Mira couldn’t take it anymore, and with Joanna’s permission, broke down and told them about their weird little social experiment.

They mostly didn’t notice Joanna’s shirt, but they were pleasantly surprised that Mira wouldn’t choose that dress of her own volition. Though they are nice enough people that they would’ve just let it be and let Mira be the unique little snowflake she is.

What did we learn?

  1. No contest is worth screwing up a dress fitting.
  2. You can wear an ugly piece of clothing and still survive the day.
  3. People don’t really care that much about what you wear, unless they’re Mira’s mom.
  4. Don’t be late to anything when you look hideous.

YOU BE THE JUDGE

Epilogue

The denim sack that Mira was forced to wear cost a whopping $88.00, therefore Mira returned it as soon as she could. That, and she couldn’t stare at it a moment longer. The next day, she went back to Urban Outfitters to complete that one last embarrassing task.

Urban Outfitters employee: Can I ask why you are returning this item?

Oh shit. OH SHIT.

Mira: Uuuuuuhhhhh… I bought it for a friend and she didn’t like it?

The classic “teen caught with alcohol” excuse. “I was just holding it for a friend.” Though not entirely a lie, as she DID buy it kind of for Joanna and she truly did NOT like it.

Joanna meant to return the $50.00 cancer camp shirt, but she’s a lazy piece of shit.