Terrible Idea 3: That thing that collapses… That isn’t our lives

 

Origin story:

Mira: Maybe we should make a complicated dessert or something… What’s the one that collapses?
Joanna: Soufflé.
Mira: I’m not even 100% sure I know what a soufflé is.
Joanna: I have no idea. But I know it collapses.

Mira: What do we put it in?
Joanna: A soufflé pan.
Mira: Do you have one?
Joanna: I have a springform pan for cheesecakes.
Mira: That’ll work.

So we decided to make something that not only have we never made before, but never even eaten, so we would have no idea if what we made was even correct.

We thought we’d better do some research, and would like to take a moment to reference what we found:

Ahh, the soufflé – it has all the stability of a hormonal teenage girl in love. The potential for highs as high as the farthest reaches of the galaxy and lows so low I shudder to contemplate the depths. Perfection and bliss can plummet into heartbreak and disaster in the blink of an eye (or the slam of a door). – CAROL KICINSKI https://simplygluten-free.com/blog/2012/03/gluten-free-miracle-souffles-recipe.html 

If we’re being honest, that’s really about us, so it was the perfect dessert to make. We didn’t use her recipe. No offence, but it had too many ingredients.

Joanna: It involves stiffly beaten egg whites
Mira: That sounds dirty

Oh. Did we mention that since Joanna is glutarded that the souffle had to be gluten free? Damnit Joanna.

It called for goat cheese and cream of tartar. Mira’s delicate stomach wasn’t ready for an adventure that great.

Instead we found the simplest recipe possible:
http://www.saveur.com/article/Recipes/Chocolate-Souffle

Ingredients

3 tbsp. milk
5 12 tbsp. sugar, plus additional for dusting soufflé dish
4 oz. semisweet chocolate, coarsely chopped
2 egg yolks
3 egg whites
Confectioners’ sugar (or icing sugar because we’re in Canada)

This we could handle.

Rules:

  1. No reading the instructions before we start.

That’s it.

Adventure part 1: SAFEWAY

A concerned safety vest wearing employee genuinely asked if we were okay. There was an issue with toilet paper.

IMG_3535

Warning: Toilet paper not to be used as an ingredient for the soufflé. 

 

 

Next stop: Ramekin

Mira had discovered that a souffle is made in a ramekin, so despite Joanna’s suggestion that they could use her cheesecake pan, Mira became obsessed with finding and purchasing a proper Ramekin.

Mira: Ramekin sounds like it should be the Jewish word for foreskin

Joanna gave up and couldn’t find it. Mira found it right away.

Mira: I shall name him Ramekin Skywalker.

FullSizeRender
Not foreskin.

The first instruction we completely disregarded is that the chocolate be coarsely chopped. Ain’t nobody got time for that, so we got semi-sweet chocolate chips. Close enough.

Adventure Part 2: Bake Time

IMG_3541

  • Preheat oven to 375°

Joanna: Let’s not. (The second instruction we blatantly didn’t follow.)

  • Place milk and 4 tbsp. sugar in a small saucepan and stir over medium-low heat until sugar dissolves, about 45 seconds.

The saucepan was missing, but quickly found grimy and disgusting in the dishwasher.

Mira: Our creme brulee is going to test like whatever that was.
Joanna: We’re making soufflé. 

  • Stir in chocolate and cook until melted, 1–2 minutes.
IMG_3544
There is no way that isn’t poop.

 

IMG_3545
Mmmm. Poop.

 

 

Mira: We’re Zeke!
Joanna: What.
Mira: From High School Musical!
Joanna: Yeah… no.
Mira: Yeah he makes a souffle!
Joanna: No it’s creme brûlée.
Mira: No he says soufflé as well*
Joanna: Does he? Yeah he does! “Something soufflé even apple pan whatever”
Mira: Yep.
*No, he doesn’t. It’s only creme brûlée 

  • Transfer to a nonreactive bowl (glass or stainless steel), cool for 5 minute

Mira tasted the chocolate mixture.

Mira: Hmm this actually doesn’t suck.
Joanna: I’m a little worried that it WILL be good.*

  • Beat in egg yolks.

Mira lives under an eggless rock and didn’t understand we could get both egg yolks and egg whites out of the same egg. She would probably be dead without Joanna.

Joanna put the beaters into the hand mixer.

Joanna: Are you any good at beating?
The beaters immediately fall out onto the floor.
Joanna: No one needs to know we’re using floor beaters.
She put them back in.

  • Beat egg whites in a nonreactive bowl until foamy, then sprinkle in remaining sugar, beating until stiff peaks form.

Mira: Joanna is an egg beating WIZARD.

Mira had also never seen what happens to egg whites when beaten and she lost her mind. She also couldn’t stop giggling that we were “beating” eggs until they were “stiff”. What an oaf.

IMG_3554
Stiffly beaten egg whites.

 

  • Butter a small soufflé dish then lightly dust with sugar.

Joanna: I’m gonna use PAM.
Mira: Yeah! That will be buttery.
Joanna: Nope.

  • Gently mix one-third of the egg whites into chocolate mixture

Mira: GENTLY (x 5)

  • Fold in remaining whites, one-third at a time. Do not overmix.

Mira: Do NOT overmix. (x 10).

What an oaf.

  • Spoon batter into dish

Joanna: SPOON batter. (x 500)

  • Make sure oven rack is low enough to allow soufflé room to rise as much as 2” above the dish.

Joanna: It’s fine as is.

  • Bake until puffed, about 25 minutes.
IMG_3564
Mistake.

It was puffed at 20 minutes, but we didn’t trust ourselves.

  • Dust with confectioners’ sugar and serve immediately. (Soufflé will begin to deflate after about 2 minutes.)

As if. It deflates at negative 2 minutes.

THE MOMENT OF TRUTH:

Adventure Part 3: Munch time
*It wasn’t.

Joanna: How do you even eat a soufflé?
Mira: With a fork. . . I feel like that will immediately deflate it.

We googled it.

Mira: With a spoon! Just stick it in the middle.

What have we learned?

We still don’t really know what a souffle is. Ours had egg chunks in it. Is that right?
Also we’re a bit disappointed as we were better than we thought we would be. Still tasted like crap though so we’ll call that a win.

We kind of just want to eat creme brulee.

IMG_3568 (1)
Want some?

3 thoughts on “Terrible Idea 3: That thing that collapses… That isn’t our lives

  1. Valiant effort, maybe next time actually FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS, or try rice krispie squares. And no, it is not supposed to have chunks of eggs in it. I still love you both, you incompetent little nincompoops!

    Like

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